At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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