Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
