Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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