Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
