She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
