Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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