I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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