well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
