you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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