She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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