Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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