I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My liver just broke up with me...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
