i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
