There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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