Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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