If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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