the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
