So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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