Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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