My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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