I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
