Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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