Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
