I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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