I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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