you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
