i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
