why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
