She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
