So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
