I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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