so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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