So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
