I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ttyl tear gas
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
