I have demons in me.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
