i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
