I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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