did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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