I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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