he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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