but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
