I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
