it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
