I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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