I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
