Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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