What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
