I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
