Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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