YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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