that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
