Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
